My little Charlie is 9months old today… happy day baby boy!! It got me thinking about all the things no one ever tells you when you’re contemplating bringing another life into this world. So here’s my list of things every new parent should know:
1. Sleeping in will be 7am. You’ll try not to think about those lazy Saturdays of days gone by when you awoke at 10am and went straight to the couch to watch “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ marathons on TLC.
2. You and your spouse will talk at length each day about your baby’s bowel movements… how many he had, what they looked like, were they contained or part of a “blow out”.
3. Work will be your “down time”. You won’t bat an eye at going from a 9hr day at the office to your next shift as mom, collapse into your bed for a “replenishing” 4hrs of sleep just to turn around and do it again tomorrow.
4. You’ll forego television in the evening to watch your baby sleep on your color, flat screen video monitor that you dutifully take from room to room lest you miss a single wimper. How did any parent survive without it?
5. You’ll laugh deliriously at the term, “sleeping like a baby”. Who came up with that phrase? Babies don’t sleep. And they certainly don’t sleep soundly.
6. Your baby will look like a million bucks when you run to the grocery store, but only after you leave the store will you realize that you have make-up streaking down your face, a piece of carrot in your hair and spit up on your shirt.
7. You’ll immediately have people asking when you’re going to have your next baby. Seriously?! Don’t ask a mom this question until her baby has been sleeping through the night for at least 6months.
8. Your “first baby”, the furry, barking kind that your swore would never become background noise, has indeed been demoted to a dog. You still love ‘em, but more often than not they will be what sends you over the edge when your emotional state is hanging in the balance. Something along these lines: THE DOG IS PUKING ON THE CARPET RIGHT NOW AND THE BABY IS SPEED CRAWLING RIGHT FOR IT!
9. You’ll feel like your heart is going to burst when you tiptoe into your baby’s room to watch him sleeping in his crib. There is nothing sweeter in the world.
10. In a blink of an eye your baby will be sitting up, feeding himself, crawling, trying to walk and approaching his first birthday… then his 16th. And you’ll say… it feels like yesterday.